I can't help but laugh at this! Please don't stone and burn me at the stake for this
The actual sinking of the Titanic took only four hours; the movie is easily three times that long. For those of you with short attention spans, the following is the script for a shorter version of "Titanic."

(Scene 1)

KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?
KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named "Picasso." I am certain he will amount to nothing.
KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat.
LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.
KATE: Thank you. So are you.
LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my "brooding" face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet. Women will find this very attractive, even though I have the body of a 12 year old.
KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and people start dying.
WEASELLY FIANC=C9: Excuse me. I do not like you, Leonardo, even though you saved my fiance's life. I am going to sneer at you and treat you like dirt because you're poor, and then I'll probably be physically abusive to my fiance, and then, just to make sure the audience really hates me, and to make sure my character is entirely one-dimensional, perhaps I'll throw a small child into the water.
AUDIENCE: Boo! We hate you! Even though all real people have at least a few admirable qualities, we have not been shown any of yours, and plus, you're trying to come between Leonardo and Kate, and so therefore we hate you! Boo! (Even though technically it is Leonardo who is coming between you and Kate. But Leonardo is handsomer than you, even though he is only 12, so we are on his side. Boo!)

(Scene 2)

LEONARDO: I'm glad we snuck away like this so that you could cheat on your fiance.
KATE: So am I. Even though I am engaged to him and have made a commitment to marry him, that is no reason why you and I cannot climb into the back seat of a car (probably his) and steam up the windows together. The fact that I am the heroine of the movie will no doubt help the cattle-like audience forgive me of this, though they would probably be VERY angry indeed if my fiance were to do the same thing to me.
AUDIENCE: Damn straight we would ! Moo! We mean, Boo!
LEONARDO: I agree. First, I would like to draw you, though, so of course you have to take off all your clothes.
KATE: But can a movie with five minutes of continuous nudity be at all successful in say, Provo, Utah, where the audiences might not stand for that sort of thing?
LEONARDO: I would be willing to bet that for the first three weeks thefilm is in release, every single showing at the Wynnsong Theater in Provo will sell out.
NARRATOR: According to Wynnsong manager Matt Palmer, that is exactly what happened.
KATE: All right, then. (sound of clothes hitting the floor)

(Scene 3)

FIRST MATE: Captain, we're about to hit an iceberg!
CAPTAIN: Great, I could use some ice for my drink. (sound of drinking)
ICEBERG: (hits boat)
FIRST MATE: That can't be good.
CAPTAIN: Bottoms up!
AUDIENCE: Huh?
FIRST MATE: That was irony, you fools.
AUDIENCE: Baa! Moo! Where's Leonardo?

(Scene 4)

LEONARDO: I have been informed that this boat is sinking.
KATE: That is terrible. And I am the only passenger that has noticed that there are not enough lifeboats! Everybody else took New Math in school.
LEONARDO: Would you like to engage in some more immoral-but-justified-because-we're-pretty behavior?
KATE: Certainly. (kisses him)
WEASELLY FIANCE: I'm getting the raw end of the deal here: (to Leonardo) Listen, Leonardo, to cement my morally-dubious-yet-somehow-less-annoying-than-you personality, I am going to falsely accuse you of a crime, then handcuff you to this pipe here in a room that will soon be filling with water, due to the fact that we are sinking, which I believe has been mentioned previously. LEONARDO: Why don't you just shoot me?
WEASELLY FIANCE: Because then you wouldn't be able to escape and save Kate from me. Also, all of the women in the audience would get up and leave. Of course, you're going to die anyway.
AUDIENCE: Don't spoil it for us! Booooooo!!
LEONARDO: He's right, though. I am doomed. It's in the script.
AUDIENCE: Aww, look how cute he is when he's doomed!
WEASELLY FIANCE: I really hate you people.

(Scene 5)
150-YEAR-OLD-KATE: And that's when Leonardo rescued me from my evil fiance and helped me float on a board in the water. Of course, if it hadn't been for having to rescue HIM, I could have gotten on an actual lifeboat to begin with, and not nearly frozen my ass off. Anyway, he's pretty much dead now, and I'm well over a thousand years old, and who's making my supper? I need another Depends. Turn down that Enya music,it's making my ears hurt. You kids today, with your loud music. Why, in my day - hey! Don't you walk away from me, Mr. Snooty-Patootie Oceanologist! I'd turn you over my knee, if I could bend it. I'll beat you in the head with this huge extremely rare blue diamond! Hey, come back here! (FADE TO BLACK; roll credits; play annoying Celine Dion song.)

THE END

Here r some interesting goofs from the movie.

GOOFS FOR TITANIC (1997)

Continuity
Jack won his ticket by beating 2 pair with a full house. However, when we first see Jack's hand, he has nothihg that could be made in to a full house, and only draws one card.

Revealing mistakes
A strip of desert is visible between the dock and the Titanic when docked at Southampton.

Anachronisms
Jack claims to have gone ice fishing on Lake Wissota, which wasn't created until five years after the Titanic sank. Jacks claims to have visited the Santa Monica Pier, which did not begin construction until 1916. The pipe frames supporting the third class berths have set-screw speed rail fittings, not developed until 1946.

Continuity
In the scene where Jack is teaching Rose to spit, there is no spit on his chin as he starts to turn around to face the ladies, but by the time he has completed his turn he has some on his chin.

The main characters have lunch in the Palm Court/Verandah on A Deck. These were not used for dining, although passengers could order tea or a small snack. Cal orders lamb with mint sauce for himself and Rose. Lamb was only available for dinner on the ship, while mutton was reserved for
lunch. The lamb was prepared in the D-Deck galley and would not have been served in the Palm Court.

Revealing mistakes
While Jack and Rose are walking on the promenade the day after he rescues her, a small hill with a building on it is visible over Jack's shoulder and above the ship.

Continuity
Jack takes Rose and Molly's arms to go into dinner. They start walking, but in the next shot they are still standing apart.

Factual errors
The worship services held at 10:30 on Sunday April 14th, 1912, in the First Class Dining Room were open to all passengers of the ship.

Anachronisms
"Eternal Father Strong To Save" is sung during the worship service; the verse that begins "Lord, guard and guide the men who fly/ Through the great spaces in the sky" was written by Mary C. D. Hamilton in 1915.

Factual errors
During the scene when Rose "flies" from the ship's bow, the sunlight is clearly falling almost exactly straight across the ship from left to right. On the evening of the 14th, the ship would be steaming somewhere between WSW and SW; the lighting in the movie would indicate that the sun is between SSE and SE, when it actually would have been between W and WNW.

Factual errors
Workers in the Titanic's engine room had to wear thick protective clothing to shield them from the heat generated by the engines.

Anachronisms
The gauges in the engine room are fitted with sweated tubing fittings, a plumbing technique not available when the ship was constructed. The fittings should have been threaded brass.

Factual errors
There was no door between boiler room 6 and the cargo area (and no access to any but authorized crew). If there had been a door, it would have entered the third cargo area aft, not the one where the Renault was stored.

When Captain Smith enters the wheelhouse, the ship's telegraph is set to "Full Reverse" instead of "All Stop".

Factual errors
First Officer Murdoch did not shoot anyone, including himself. It is impossible for voices to echo in the middle of the North Atlantic unless there is a large, flat object like a ship nearby.

i can see where your coming from but whats funny

Since when is 2340 to 0220 four hours?


Everyone is also missing this one:

Opening scene of submersible descending with its lights on. These craft are run on batteries. They need to conserve their power to maximize the time they have at depth. It would never have its external lights on on the way down.

yeah thats right

I trust you did not like James Cameron's Titanic. Was it the success that put you off the film?

no, just the way the film was played. The scenes with jack and rose bored me. The word false kept on cropping up in my mind.

The storyline wasted it for me.

So i doubt u liked the film then, since 90% of it was they 2

you read my mind

You won't be buying the special edition in October then?
Pitty, because it's going to be a great disc-set.

O well, I suppose there will be loads of critics sinking that masterpiece too. After all: The critics were wrong about the first prediction that the movie would not be a success. Funny how such a "bad" film was the first DVD ever to ship over a million units upon its release in 1999. Let's not mention box-office totals.

Don't worry Johno. There's nothing wrong with your taste in films. The problem lies with the rest of us and the rest of the world I suppose. This is clearly not a good film. People were payed and forced to watch it... Continue to believe that one.