Hi everyone! My friend sent me this comedic version of the script for "Titanic," and I thought I'd post it for you all to enjoy. I thought it was actually quite funny...it made me chuckle anyway. I was just wondering what you all thought about it.

(Scene 1)
KATE WINSLET Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?
KATE'S WEASELLY FIANC311 Yes it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named "Picasso." I am certain he will amount to nothing.
KATE Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.
KATE Thank you. So are you.
LEONARDO I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my "brooding" face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet.
KATE While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and people start dying.
WEASELLY FIANC311 Excuse me. I do not like you, Leonardo, even though you saved my fianc351e222s life. I am going to sneer at you and treat you like dirt because you're poor, and then I'll probably be physically abusive to my fianc351e, and then, just to make sure the audience really hates me, and to make sure my character is entirely one-dimensional, perhaps I'll throw an elderly person into the water.
AUDIENCE Boo! We hate you! Even though all real people have at least a few admirable qualities, we have not been shown any of yours, and plus, you're trying to come between Leonardo and Kate, and so therefore we hate you! Boo! (Even though technically it is Leonardo who is coming between you and Kate. But Leonardo is handsomer than you, even though he is only 13, so we are on his side. Boo!)


(Scene 2)
LEONARDO I'm glad we snuck away like this so that you could cheat on your fianc351e.
KATE So am I. Even though I am engaged to him and have made a commitment to marry him, that is no reason why you and I cannot climb into the backseat of a car and steam up the windows together. The fact that I am the heroine of the movie will no doubt help the cattle-like audience forgive me of this, though they would probably be VERY angry indeed if my fianc351e were to do the same thing to me.
AUDIENCE Darn straight we would! Moo! We mean, Boo!
LEONARDO I agree. First, I would like to draw you, though, so of course you have to take off your clothes.
KATE But can a movie with five minutes of continuous nudity be at all successful in say, Provo, Utah, where the audiences might not stand for that sort of thing?
LEONARDO I would be willing to bet that for the first three weeks the film is in release, every single showing at Wynnsong Theater in Provo will sell out.
NARRATOR According to Wynnsong manager Matt Palmer, that is exactly what happened.
KATE All right, then. (sound of clothes hitting the floor)


(Scene 3)
FIRST MATE Captain, we're about to hit an iceberg.
CAPTAIN Great, I could use some ice for my drink. (sound of drinking)
ICEBERG (hits boat)
FIRST MATE That can't be good.
CAPTAIN Bottoms up!
AUDIENCE (silence)
FIRST MATE That was irony, you fools.
AUDIENCE Baa! Moo! Where's Leonardo?


(Scene 4)
LEONARDO I have been informed that this boat is sinking
KATE That is terrible
LEONARDO Would you like to engage in some more immoral-but-justified behavior?
KATE Certainly.
WEASELLY FIANC311E (aside) I'm getting the raw end of the deal here (to Leonardo) Listen, Leonardo, to cement my morally-dubious-yet-somehow-less-annoying-than-you personality, I am going to handcuff you to this pipe, here in a room that will soon be filling with water, due to the fact that we are sinking, which I believe has been mentioned previously.
LEONARDO Why don't you just shoot me?
WEASELLY FIANC311E Because then you wouldn't be able to escape and save Kate from me. Of course, you're going to die anyway-
AUDIENCE Don't spoil it for us! Boo!
LEONARDO He's right, though. I am doomed.
AUDIENCE Aww, look how cute he is when he's doomed.
WEASELLY FIANC311E I hate you people.


(Scene 5)
150-YEAR-OLD-KATE And that's when Leonardo rescued me from my evil fianc351e and helped me float on a board in the water. Of course, if it hadn't been for having to rescue HIM, I could have gotten on an actual lifeboat, and not frozen my legs nearly off. Anyway, he's pretty much dead now, and I'm well over a thousand years old, and who's making my supper? I need a bath. Turn down that Enya music, it's making my ears hurt. You kids today, with your loud music. Why, when I was - hey! Don't you walk away from me, Mr. Snooty-Patootie! I'd turn you over my knee, if I had one. I'll beat you in the head with this huge diamond! Come back here!
(Fade to black; roll credits; play annoying Celine Dion song.)

Hi there, i didn't really read the whole post yet of time constraints, but that will come soon.

I do see those "scene1-5" there, is there any images attached to this commedian? if so i can add them to the photo gallery at www.titanic.com/gallery

Just notify me here if you want to help me out.

Now i got it a little bit, i read on and found out that its from the movie
well i think it is possible with a dvd program to get sniplets from the movie and post them to relate with the text, that will make it funnier i think do you not??

Thanks

Hi Jelle! :D

Thanks for posting your reaction the script. I'm not sure if there are any images that go along with it because it was sent to me in e-mail form, but I can ask the friend that sent it to me. You're more than welcome to post this or any images that might go along with it on your website.

Glad you enjoyed it,
Mountie

well it made me laugh Mountie :D

lol i love it a great spoof and irony of titanic

That is VERY funny indeed! Just when I needed a good laugh, too!

I read part of it, but the part that I did read was funny.

MUCH better than the actual movie...